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For some reason
I'm just really wondering what Fayetteville, AR (my hometown) is like right now. I'm missing Restaurant on the Corner, the Grill, The Dream Merchant, Flying Possom Leather--ok so all of Dickson Street and Hugos (where I used to work).
Is it all still there? Would I recognize any of it? What is the music scene like? What about the friends still there I've lost touch with--we're all getting up there now.
I haven't been back in about 9 years. I did visit in Xmess 1999, but that was the year I didn't get to see anything, to show James anything and instead fought with my family in hotel rooms and ended up back with friends in Tulsa, not having that macho nacho at Hugo's and their fake cappuccino or the submarine sandwich at ROTC.
It's because I realized last night--Gypsy (Amy) is still with me--the way I make friends now--sort of running at new people like a friendly puppy --is just how she made friends...how she made friends with me. I miss her...has it really been so long? And I can't remember when she died, but it has to be more than 10 years now, around 1990...But I can remember how she lived and who she was.
Is it all still there? Would I recognize any of it? What is the music scene like? What about the friends still there I've lost touch with--we're all getting up there now.
I haven't been back in about 9 years. I did visit in Xmess 1999, but that was the year I didn't get to see anything, to show James anything and instead fought with my family in hotel rooms and ended up back with friends in Tulsa, not having that macho nacho at Hugo's and their fake cappuccino or the submarine sandwich at ROTC.
It's because I realized last night--Gypsy (Amy) is still with me--the way I make friends now--sort of running at new people like a friendly puppy --is just how she made friends...how she made friends with me. I miss her...has it really been so long? And I can't remember when she died, but it has to be more than 10 years now, around 1990...But I can remember how she lived and who she was.
no subject
I wonder though if there is something about all those folks escaping to the bay area that causes the skewed outlook. An outlook I haven't found in natives or people who have been there for over a decade generally. Or if there is something about the area that brings about that kind of thinking. It's an interesting conundrum. I know the people I care about don't seem to think it's the center of the universe, but the newfolk seem to.
That said, I understand having the kind feeling for home. I do for Fayetteville and many folks would take one look at that little city with it's one public library (no branches) and confederate cemetary and run screaming and laughing the other way. But I feel a sweetness towards the place. It took me years to find it after I left, but I did.
And the longer I'm away from the bay area the more I can remember what drew me to it and what was good about it. I still have a lot of angst and disgust yes --but the cool thing about getting old is being able to see both sides simultaneously. You aren't an asshole, you love your home.
As for the dead..yes it is our responsibility our joy and our sorrow to remember them. When I get to maudlin about amy I remember her putting her hands like antlers up to the sides of her head and giving me a rather straigtforward and complacent 'MOO'
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What you said about transplants being more obnoxious makes a lot of sense. I think the other part of the 'tude comes from growing up in and/or near a tourist town. You get used to being a local and looking down your nose at people who come here to vacation. Because face it - most people are obnoxious, especially when on vacation. So you start thinking its cool to tell people that there is no exit for Sausalito - sorry, they had to tear it down, and that access to the beach has been blocked off because of a huge accident, some kind of truck flipping over type accident. All this because, frankly, you'd like to go to the beach, or to Sausalito and you can't on the weekends on account of its full of idiots.
I can't quantify the other part. It just be my home. I don't want to live anywhere else. I've seen some beautiful places but it doesn't seem to matter to me. Yes - its changed. I can't go back to the places I hung out in and loved - they're gone. I can't go home - we sold it. I can't walk through where I used to play in the trees because there are giant rich people houses all over it. Doesn't seem to matter. I mean, it bothers me obviously, but this is still my home.
And I do take a lot of California/Bay Area bashing from visitors. My friends from Scotland tell me it isn't real here. My friends from Massachusetts mutter "Fucking California" whenever anything happens that they think is too weird. I don't care. Its my home. Its full of obnoxious rich people from all over the globe driving SUVs and you can't smoke in frickin bar for hell's sake and the rent is outrageous and the trends are ridiculous and if you go back to my old neighborhood in SF you can't even sit on the stoop because its gated on account of junkies peeing all over everything. The traffic is insane and every burger joint I've ever loved has been replaced by a Walgreens or a Starbucks.
In many ways the Bay Area reminds me of a beautiful girl that ended up prostituting herself and got knocked around into the bargain. She's tired and she's had cosmetic surgery that she probably didn't want to have and she's gotten fat and wrinkly in all the wrong places and I look at her and still see the girl.
End of rant/love poem to the homeland.