the bitter and the sweet

[pywacket]

It looks like we aren't going to get to go tonight. I'm having contractions...mostly Braxton Hicks, but some actually hurt. And enough of them that I'm really tired. And for some reason all my muscles have turned to jelly--so that walking across the room feels like I'm running a marathon.

I so wanted to do something that made me feel normal, something like we would do unpregnant, just for a bit. And there are going to be some people there I really wanted to meet, or at least look at.

I think it's just that this has been going on now for nearly 10 months. ENOUGH already. I still think a vat is a more civilized way to grow a baby.

And as for the sweet.


Well it has hit me a number of times today that I have everything I've ever wanted, really. I'm not talking about material possessions, though we do have a nice place with nice stuff. More along the lines of being married to an amazing. intelligent. saucy and very loving man , good friends, the best cats anyone could hope for and the incipient Emily (and not having to work for this period of time). When I look back at the things that were lacking in my life in the past they've all been remedied. I'm really truly content.

Of course some external things will change but it's good to know this this feeling of contentment is so deep it won't.

and then the thing that is unclassifiable. Hotspur died three years ago today. Has it been so long and so little time? He's still with me everyday.

Comments

[pywacket.livejournal.com]

strangely enough when I can fall asleep I do. It's more a case of is she kicking the heck outta me --which while sometimes if it goes on too long makes me a bit looney, I still find comforting--like I know she's there and ok --I just really want to *see*her to know she's ok, like I can't take it on faith anymore.

And I keep wondering what the next bit is going to be like.

You've been such a huge help to me thank you so much.

[quasi-evil.livejournal.com]

Well the walls really are closing in on her so I don't blame her for fussing a little. As far as 'seeing' her, when mine were still in the belly about this time I could palpate them through the uterine wall. Kind of an, 'ooh here's the hip...and here's the foot' thing.

Then I'd push on them and they'd push back so it was like playing.

Babies are cleaner in eutero