How does a heart break

[pywacket]

I have many things written but all I want to to do really is look at the gentle grasp of the morning and tell myself I never slept. Because to sleep would be to admit his day passed. I will not let his day pass.

How could this happen to such a gentle soul.? I WILL look for violence in the next moment to expunge my anger. This small man. his heart contained more easy joy and comprehensible sadness than any one simple explanation.

Pass me away if you must as a writer of cat moments

Kindest kitten met me at 23 years old on junky street. A Giant German hooker said

Sie nehmen das kitty,

and I did.

He sprayed everywhere. I slept in the bathtub because he had to.. But somehow I knew he was my boy, no matter how he upset other folks. Hey, he laster longer than that guy.. And after scamming the NOb hill cat clinic. I may still owe them money...he was neutered... 16 years later he took a deep breath in my arms and though they warned me that he might loose control, I knew he wouldn't. He is much too particular for that and of course he didn’t.


I feel so guilty, I feel like he could have had a moment more. I've been told, by his doc and by Alex and James that it was right, but telling the doctor to give him the needle makes me fell like a , well like an executioner.

He taught me so much...
And he taught me about being gentle.
Because being gentle in my world isn't correct.

But Gentle is what I am and Gentle is what he's taught me.

I will hold his heart in me and hope to give it justice.

I cannot sleep tonight because, somehow that means he is gone.

He is a soul of kindness, open, friendly, trusting.

yes all of those

His comportment was excellent
He was always well turned out.
Proper and oh so polite. my boyo

His kindness and this moment we all want something like that in our lives...
this moment of giving of opening to the world...

ah...they all went to bed and I cannot because when I sleep that means I had his body in my hand, his fur in my hand yesterday.

I will not sleep until they make me. He is my boyo. His is my kindness.

Understand this, he is my kindness and my kindness died tonight at my own hand.

Comments

[thingie.livejournal.com]

[pywacket.livejournal.com]

thank you oh thank you sir.

[thingie.livejournal.com]

I have a higher resolution one too if you want me to send it.

.

[archanglrobriel.livejournal.com]

There is no better way to go, to me, than in your time when your life has become unliveable, with the people you love holding you, loving you through it.
You did right by him. It's the hardest kind of "done right" and you did it anyway. That's what love does and he'll wait for you over there, to jump right on your back the moment you cross over.

[cheekytubemouse.livejournal.com]

You *did* do the right and most selfless thing. A candle and incense are burning on the altar for your kind and gentle man.

[teaforme.livejournal.com]

Aw sweetie, I'm so sorry! But I'm sure you did the right thing. I wish I was there to offer you comfort, but a cyber-hug will have to do. :-*

Big hugs!

[queenofhell66.livejournal.com]

I wish I had words that could comfort. I look at my own furry ones and hope they stay well.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
I'm so sorry. I wish there were more I could say.
x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x

[yoames.livejournal.com]

It is the bravest and hardest and kindest thing you can do.

[johno.livejournal.com]

He knew it was time too.

Your heart knew too, but your mind refuses to know.

Punkin gave me one last lick as the drugs hit. Her final act one of comforting me. They know when and how is best.

[oblomova.livejournal.com]

I've never written anything as beautiful as this. I'm so sorry about Mr. Newguise, honey. But your boyo is always a part of you.

[lachupacabra.livejournal.com]

*hug*
you are the best catmama ever.