freaked

[pywacket]

so this morning we go in to have a procedure that may bring on contractions. I am freaked. I am as ready as I can be to have Emily out and about but of course I'm terrified. We could end up at the hospital tonite or in a few days for even more induction procedures.

And I feel like I have 6 million things to do before we can go, but I know that's not true. I've had myself on a schedule for getting things done the last three months. The house has to be clean though. If I come back to even a slightly messy house with a new baby,sore nether regions and precipitous hormone drop I'll wig out. One good thing about being old is you know yourself better. At least I keep a generally clean and organized house so it shouldn't take too much to get it where I want it.

I've done a lot of scary things in my life. This just might be the scariest. I also can't back out, no matter how I might want to at any one point. Oddly that's helpful.

And then I wonder when I get her home will I know enough to do...Like how humid do you keep a baby's room? How often do you snort her nose with that nose snorter thing? Can you use baby wipes on the right away or should I wait until she's bigger?
Please god don't let her be allergic to cats (still if she is we will find a way around that).
And there is this : http://www.msnbc.com/news/718394.asp. And we are getting a second air purifier.

I'm all over the map hmm...

That's just the way it's going to be . I've been organized and calm enough the last ten months. If I freak a little at this point I guess I do.. So I'll apologize upfront--If I'm weird or not paying attention or say something stupid, please bear with me , my brain is firmly lodged in my uterus right now.

Comments

[mattblakk.livejournal.com]

I swear that it didn't hurt me. You're right to be scared, it's an incredibly intense process, but one that you will make it through. Just remember, when you get to that point where you've had quite a bit more than enough you can ask for pain medication. They can give you pain meds if you need them before you're eligible for the epidural.

I love you, and I know you are a totally super star mom, and James is so in love with you (and the wee one already) that he will move heaven and earth (for her as well as for) you.

I wish I could be there to hold your hand, but I'm headed off to the demon basement from hell to pack, sort and clean some more. Too bad I don't know someone with a dust fetish who's an obsessive compulsive sorter and cleaner, I could bring them over and release them downstairs and come back after lunch and it could all be done.

Gonna go get me a dose of that dirt!

[archanglrobriel.livejournal.com]

It didn't hurt me either, actually. It's intense, but everyone tells you how bad childbirth hurts and I was pretty unimpressed with it as pain goes. I broke my leg when Ree was one and THAT was painful, but as far as the birth thing goes...I've had worse cramps from bad seafood. *shrug* If you ask me the fear that people put on women around the mythology of pain is worse than the actual experience.