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the darkness breaks
Nov. 22nd, 2003 10:12 amI managed to open and put away all the boxen of decor for the house. It is starting to look like ours.
I don't cry all day now, just several times a day. It helps (and hurts) to look at all the pictures of the boyo being weird over the years.
I miss him so much.
Something is really missing from the group. There is no gentle cuddler. There is the demanding cuddler (ninny) the insane cuddler (zach) and the wary cuddler (Teatime) but Newg has always been good for the gentle lapsit, the patient request for petting. The rolling about sweetly on your lap. There is a glaring blank space.
I'm still scared of the noise of the world outside, but have been adding it back more and more. Em and I go on our walks (or mad dashes) and play toss and chase the ball every day. I took her to the grocery store and she did really well (I nearly passed out from the stimulus and fear she'd melt, but stayed cheerful). I've raked some leaves and passed a word or two with some neighbors. I'm working on a kid's story about Mr. Newguise that I've been putting together for years; The Mayor of Biscuitville.
Emily is amazing. James is kind, and I think I need to find a way to work in animal care somehow. It really really matters to me. Not just the volunteer work, though that, once postponed because of his illness, will now be rescheduled ,but for a vocation, once Emily goes to school.
We got some other bad news during that week. Brightmail reorganized and moved James to a more technical job (which is great) but for less money (which is not great). He seems relieved and there will be LOTS less travel, which is good. I also over estimated our budget wildly so we should be able to handle this by being less extravagant. I didn't want to be house poor no matter what so I planned in a paranoid manner. Good thing too. If it makes him happier that is a better thing too.
I don't cry all day now, just several times a day. It helps (and hurts) to look at all the pictures of the boyo being weird over the years.
I miss him so much.
Something is really missing from the group. There is no gentle cuddler. There is the demanding cuddler (ninny) the insane cuddler (zach) and the wary cuddler (Teatime) but Newg has always been good for the gentle lapsit, the patient request for petting. The rolling about sweetly on your lap. There is a glaring blank space.
I'm still scared of the noise of the world outside, but have been adding it back more and more. Em and I go on our walks (or mad dashes) and play toss and chase the ball every day. I took her to the grocery store and she did really well (I nearly passed out from the stimulus and fear she'd melt, but stayed cheerful). I've raked some leaves and passed a word or two with some neighbors. I'm working on a kid's story about Mr. Newguise that I've been putting together for years; The Mayor of Biscuitville.
Emily is amazing. James is kind, and I think I need to find a way to work in animal care somehow. It really really matters to me. Not just the volunteer work, though that, once postponed because of his illness, will now be rescheduled ,but for a vocation, once Emily goes to school.
We got some other bad news during that week. Brightmail reorganized and moved James to a more technical job (which is great) but for less money (which is not great). He seems relieved and there will be LOTS less travel, which is good. I also over estimated our budget wildly so we should be able to handle this by being less extravagant. I didn't want to be house poor no matter what so I planned in a paranoid manner. Good thing too. If it makes him happier that is a better thing too.
