freaked

[pywacket]

so this morning we go in to have a procedure that may bring on contractions. I am freaked. I am as ready as I can be to have Emily out and about but of course I'm terrified. We could end up at the hospital tonite or in a few days for even more induction procedures.

And I feel like I have 6 million things to do before we can go, but I know that's not true. I've had myself on a schedule for getting things done the last three months. The house has to be clean though. If I come back to even a slightly messy house with a new baby,sore nether regions and precipitous hormone drop I'll wig out. One good thing about being old is you know yourself better. At least I keep a generally clean and organized house so it shouldn't take too much to get it where I want it.

I've done a lot of scary things in my life. This just might be the scariest. I also can't back out, no matter how I might want to at any one point. Oddly that's helpful.

And then I wonder when I get her home will I know enough to do...Like how humid do you keep a baby's room? How often do you snort her nose with that nose snorter thing? Can you use baby wipes on the right away or should I wait until she's bigger?
Please god don't let her be allergic to cats (still if she is we will find a way around that).
And there is this : http://www.msnbc.com/news/718394.asp. And we are getting a second air purifier.

I'm all over the map hmm...

That's just the way it's going to be . I've been organized and calm enough the last ten months. If I freak a little at this point I guess I do.. So I'll apologize upfront--If I'm weird or not paying attention or say something stupid, please bear with me , my brain is firmly lodged in my uterus right now.

Comments

[archanglrobriel.livejournal.com]

*laugh* Geez this all sounds -so- familiar. I remember having a total panic attack the day Ree was born because I realized that there wasn't any backing out, that this was huge and was going to change my life forever etc. I was so freaked out when she came, too, and I realized that this little fragile looking thing was all my responsability and I worried about the nose sucking thing and the humidity thing too - and then my Mom told me to remember that people in mud huts were having babies and strapping them to their backs and that babies are resiliant little things who'll let you know when their needs aren't getting met. Bizarre as it may sound, it's both easier and harder than you'll imagine. Easier on the physical side, harder on the emotional. You'll do fine. *laugh*